Ramnani: Welcome back to share with me the podcast where we open up honest conversations that matter, stories that challenge here and connect us in ways we often don't expect. This episode is a powerful one. I'm joined by Avantika, a mental health advocate, poet, and founder of the initiative Beautiful You. She's joining us from India, where conversations around mental health are still in many spaces considered taboo. And that's exactly what she's working to change. But beyond the titles, she's someone who has walked through the depths of depression, anxiety, PTSD, and bipolar disorder and chosen not just to survive, but to speak. Diagnosed at a young age, Avantika brings both lived experience and deep insight into what it truly means to navigate mental health, not just clinically, but emotionally, socially and personally. In this conversation, she opens up about the realities of bipolar disorder, the loneliness of being misunderstood, and the strength it takes to keep going in a world that doesn't always understand what you're going through. We talk about the highs and lows, literally from depressive episodes that make even getting out of bed feel impossible to moments of hypomania filled with energy and intensity. But we also explore something deeper resilience, self-compassion, and the courage to challenge stigma and create change in her own community. This is not just a conversation about mental health. It's a conversation about being human and about breaking silence where it's needed most. So wherever you are right now, whether you're struggling, supporting someone, or simply trying to understand this episode is for you. Let's begin. Hi, how are you?

Bharad: I'm good. How are you?

Ramnani: I'm very well. I understand you have a psychology major from an Indian university. And you also have bipolar. Was the decision to study psychology influenced by your bipolar.

Bharad: That's a good question. So, uh, yes, it was actually influenced by it. Um, so I have struggled with mental health ever since I was fifteen. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD when I was fifteen. And that's when I first understood how crucial mental health is and how bad, uh, one situation could get, you know, when they are struggling with mental health issues. So it has been like, so I have advocated for mental health and it gave me a lot of strength to understand that whatever I have, like the message that I have to spread with other people, it has some value to it. And I felt like I could be an asset to the field of psychology, um, considering my strengths and also my personal experiences. So it gives me a lot of insight into, um, what it feels like to live with bipolar or for any other like condition like depression, PTSD. So because I have first hand experience, it definitely did impact my decision because I felt like I could be an asset based on my personal experiences.

Ramnani: For those who don't know what bipolar disorder is, can you explain?

Bharad: Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder where you experience fluctuations in your moods. There are periods where you have highs and lows. Uh, when there's high, we call that as mania or hypomania. And when there is a low, we call that as depression. So that is characterized by changes in your mood, swings in your energy levels and your concentration in your cognitive abilities. And, um, there are different types of bipolar. So depending on the type that you got, you will experience like different intensities of disorder that you different intensities of the mood swings that you experience.

Ramnani: How does it affect your everyday life?

Bharad: Whenever I'm going through any episode, like, let's say when I'm going through a depression, it's a low episode, right? So it affects my abilities where I'm not able to think clearly. There is fogginess in my head. Um, there is concentration levels are being, you know, affected a little. My decision making skills are impaired. Um. I have low energies, which means I am unable. Sometimes on really bad days I'm unable to get out of bed. It's hard to keep up with my daily activities, with my daily commitments. It's hard to like, show up or feel motivated enough, or to have any energy to do anything. Honestly on the days where if I experience an episode of hypomania. So I was diagnosed with bipolar type two, which means that I experience, um, the highs are called hypomania, which is a milder version of mania. And um, it's not like bipolar type two is characterized by more episodes of depression than hypomania. So I don't experience hypomania as often, but whenever I have experienced it, it usually what happens is my energy levels are off the chart. I am very energetic. I sleep very less like I sleep like three to four hours or two hours a day. And um, yeah, it's um, my risk management skills are a little like averse, like I'm not able to manage it properly. Uh, so you tend to put yourself in risky situations or maybe you spend money more because of that. Um, your so you tend to think like your thoughts run at a very fast speed as well. So it's hard to catch up with your speech and your thought as well. So you like tend to like just ramble on a lot. You have very grandiose ideas, so you feel like you can achieve a lot more. Like it's very not like realistic at all. Uh, those ideas that you have in your head and you tend to take on a lot more on your plate than you can possibly give your energy to making the decision decisions could get a little difficult if I'm going through depression and, uh, when I'm going like right now, I'm going through a very stable, it's called, it's very stable. So right now I'm doing fairly well for myself where I'm not experiencing any mood swings or, uh, any of those, uh, episodes in the moment. But yeah, so these like your day to day activities, like, you know, feeling energetic in the morning, that really depends your energy levels in the morning or throughout the day, or how much you sleep, how much you eat, your appetite, your hydration, everything gets affected.

Ramnani: How long do the episodes last?

Bharad: In depression, they last. So for. In my personal experience, have lasted anywhere from three weeks to three months, sometimes four months to. And in hypomania they last about one to two weeks, and the after effects. So to completely get out of an episode, it might take me like three weeks to come out of it.

Ramnani: Haven't been to India a few times. Like being Indian myself, I know that it is difficult to feel lonely in India, however. What is your experience of loneliness and how did bipolar contribute to this?

Bharad: That's actually a really good question. I think you can feel lonely anywhere, to be honest. It's not just being in India. So with mental health, it used to be a very lonely journey. So when I was initially diagnosed with it, coming to terms with it, I didn't really have any caregivers and I didn't have like a good enough support system at the very start. So getting the diagnosis, accepting the diagnosis, figuring it out. Okay. How? How does this work? What does this mean? How do I get out of it? Um. Is there a way out of it? So bipolar doesn't have a cure yet. So it just means that you can manage the condition. But, um, right now, you know, it's not completely treatable. It has been pretty lonely in terms of that. But even when I was fifteen, sixteen, people don't get that because when you're fifteen and you tell someone that you are depressed, they are like, no, that's just in your head. You need to work out more. You need to go out more, you need to socialize, you need to talk more. That's just all in your head. And you're just making it up. And this is not real. So I got that a lot, which made it even more like lonelier, because these things are something that requires a lot of patience and understanding and empathy, which I don't think a lot of Indians are there yet to provide that. And I didn't have, like the loved ones completely understand my condition either. It also gave me a lot of strength because I had to battle it all by myself. And the fact that I've been able to do that tells me that I've grown into a very resilient person, and it just makes me stronger, honestly, to be able to come out, come out of something like that and to still keep going, because there are certain days which are tremendously hard, but it's it's just the mindset that I've created that I've been able to create because of these hard days are the ones that keep me going. So I won't lie, it has been very, very, very brutal. But, um, now that I look back upon it, it just gave me a lot more strength to keep going.

Ramnani: Can you give me an example of how other people have treated you?

Bharad: There's one person in my life who I would tell. I confided in them that, oh, I have bipolar. And they just completely dismissed it. And they told me that my whole thinking is wrong. Like, I told them that this is a condition that does not have a cure at the moment. I can only manage it. This is something that I'm going to have to live with for, for the rest of my life, pretty much. And they told me that. Don't think so negatively. Don't, uh, think about how it will be like long term. Just think. Just stop thinking about it or get out of your head or you're studying the field. So you're just constantly thinking about it or you're overthinking it. Like these are the words that have literally been used. So they just completely dismissed my situation and the struggle that I have to go through. And they just told me that everything that I'm doing, essentially with in regards to thinking about the disorder is wrong and that I need to stop overthinking or, uh, just get out of my head out of that.

Ramnani: How does this make you feel?

Bharad: It was bad, so I stopped confiding in them after that because I knew that I would not be I would not be able to get the support that I need regarding my condition. So I didn't talk about it. And then later, like a few months down the line, the conversation again came up and it was the same response. Like they just dismissed it completely. Like they would just look at me and then get out of the room. So that was pretty invalidating. And, um, now I just don't confide in them. I just don't tell them about about it. Or we don't talk about that at all. Like, I think there's nothing. It's it's okay. Like not everyone's going to get it. Not everyone's going to be supportive. Not everyone's going to be empathetic. And that's just how it is. It's a little brutal, but there's not not much you can do about it honestly. So yeah, it's okay. I mean, it's not okay. I wouldn't say it's okay, but, um, it is what it is.

Ramnani: Do you have other people who get it?

Bharad: Yes. So my best friends are literally my ride or dies. I don't think I would be here if it wasn't for them. And um, they, I, they are available all the time. I when I'm, especially when I'm struggling, no matter what it is, they're always there at the back of the call. They're, they're supportive. I have a really good support system now. I have started confiding in my mom a little bit too. Like she didn't used to fully understand the condition earlier, but the last six months have been, has been pretty nice in terms of like I've, when I'm struggling, I just let her know that I'm not doing well and she'll just hear me out, so that's nice. Um, my therapist and my psychiatrist have been going to them for two years at this point. So I like whenever I'm going through an episode, I'm able to understand that I'm going through an episode. So I just messaged them book a session and it's a good system now that I have in place. So there are there are people now who get it.

Ramnani: I understand you were diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD when you were fifty. Could you explain how this affected you on a daily basis, and what was your first experience of depression and hypomania?

Bharad: When I was fifteen, there was this very dramatic incident that had happened at my house, and that really triggered me, that that was like the main source of trauma that I had endured. Um, which is why I started experiencing symptoms of PTSD where just hearing someone's voice would trigger me. I would get a lot of panic attacks at that point. Um, I was disturbed. I would have flashbacks all the time. It was hard. Like in my I was in tenth grade, Ninth. Ninth grade. Turning going into tenth. And during that time I had my finals for ninth grade. And I do not know how I gave those exams. I remember like every single time I would look at the paper, I would just go blank. And every single time I look up, I would have intense flashbacks in my head. It was brutal. Somehow I passed those exams. It affected me on a daily basis where I would just constantly get all those flashbacks in my head. Um, there was this one person whose voice, if I heard, I would just get very anxious just by the thought of it. My anxiety levels were like off the roof, so my, um, hands and my feet would get cold. And, um, it was, everything would be affected. Like I was just not okay at any, in any level. And the depression also got so severe that I was, I got, I got suicidal at one point and I just didn't want to be alive. I just wanted to die. And I was like, I can't keep living like this. Um, so it was just every day I wake up and life is not good. I just don't want to keep keep living. Um, so that was that. And my first experience with hypomania and depression, I really can't tell my first because for one year I was undiagnosed. I think I experienced depression, the whole, um, symptoms of bipolar, I think I experienced when I was sixteen, but I was, I got diagnosed when I was seventeen. So for a year it was so I don't really remember what my experience with hypomania was, but like the episodes that I do remember was when I was traveling to France and, um, I was, I was very high. I was, you know, I was, I was there for like a good thirty seven days. And, um, I was very like riding a high because I was traveling and everything. So travel usually does, like, could potentially trigger an episode in us. I remember I was just, I was sleeping very less, I was meeting so many new people. I was very energetic. I had like grandiose ideas that I would do this and that and this and that. Like, overall, when I come to India, it was it was pretty euphoric. Like I was feeling very, very euphoric. I don't know if it is completely categorized as an episode yet, because it's very hard to know that you're going through a hypomanic episode. So I don't know if I was just happy at that point, like insanely happy at that point, or if it was an episode. But that was what I remember. And, um, with depression. So yeah, it's I, it got bad to the point, like I said, that I didn't want to live and it was very hard because trauma that had happened. It hasn't, it hadn't got solved. So it was still ongoing. There was a lot of things that I had to witness. I was in survival mode for years. Um, and then eventually I got better. But there were, there were still periods where the depression would get so bad that I was honestly taking it one day at a time. And the fact that I'm alive the next day would, I would just be grateful that I'm alive the next day.

Ramnani: That looks really hard for you. And I want to ask you, what advice would you give other people who are listening and who might be going through similar situations?

Bharad: So if you are going through something similar to my journey, then I would first say be open about it. Seek support. You deserve it. You need it. And it's okay to seek help. So go to the go to the psychiatrist, the therapist. If it's not working, change your therapist and your psychiatrist. You need to seek help. You need to be open about it. You need to talk to your friends and family about it or any trusted adult that you can. You can feel like, you know, opening up about. Secondly, it's honestly, it's very hard. So you need to educate yourself on these things as well. You need to, um, get yourself acquainted with terms and terminology and be more self aware. You need to read books, you need to listen to stories. You need to just acquaint yourself with things that are related to bipolar. Um, you need to educate yourself on these things. I would say third would be show compassion to yourself. One of the most important things I've learned is whenever I'm going through a depressive episode, instead of being hard on myself, I always check my language with myself. It's like, if I'm, if I'm going through a hard time and if I sleep in right, instead of saying, oh, you're such a loser, you sleep so much and stuff like that, I'm like, okay, why do I feel the need to sleep so much? Let's let's reconsider that for a minute. Being kind to yourself, being compassionate towards yourself because you need it.

Ramnani: I would like to move on to a different topic. I know you perform poetry. What kind of poetry do you write and how do you feel when you perform?

Bharad: Oh, that's a good question. So I write anything that I'm feeling. Honestly, I've written some pieces about mental health. Some pieces like that's a deer body, you know, a letter to my body. I've written written a poem on bipolar, what it feels like to live with bipolar. I have written on love and what self love, romantic love. So that's, that's every poet, honestly, who writes it. Um, and how I feel performing amazing. I feel like I'm at the top of the world when I'm performing. I enjoy performing a lot. I've enjoyed public speaking from a very young age, so when I'm performing, it just feels very euphoric. It feels very nice to give power to my words and have others listen to it as well and have them relate to my work. So yeah, I miss performing. I haven't performed in some time, so I'll probably take some time out and see a gig and I'll go perform.

Ramnani: When you used to perform, how did other people react?

Bharad: Honestly, when were you performing in a in a space where it's pure poetry, right? So people are very open about it. There is it's a non-judgmental space. So people have always responded very positively to my work. And even if it's about like mental health or what it feels like to live with bipolar or like something that's related to love, they have always like related to it and they've always listened to it intuitively. And, um, yeah, it has been a very positive response so far, I love it.

Ramnani: There was a survey called the divide Study that also found that eighty percent of India's workforce reported mental health issues during the past year. Despite these alarming numbers, the report said social stigma surrounding mental health issues prevented thirty nine percent of the affected respondents from taking steps to manage their symptoms.

Bharad: No, I wasn't aware about this study. That's insane. Wow. Okay...

Ramnani: I understand you have been featured in various publications like Times of India, The Week magazine, and pan-India Health Magazine. Given the surprising statement around mental health in India, how did the experience of exposing your story make you feel?

Bharad: Oh, that's a good question. So, uh Wow, I think I got featured in the, uh, in the week magazine when I was nineteen, so I'm twenty one now. Very scary. It was, I won't lie, talking about my journey with people and putting it out there with my face on it. Insanely scary. Um, my latest feature has been on the people. Uh, it's a, it's an Instagram channel where they share women empowerment stories. So that was easy. It was very scary at the start talking about my journey and being like, oh my God, it's actually going to be published out there. People are going to read it. People are going to see my name. They're going to see my face. There's going to come on the internet. So if people just look up my name, you can see all these publications as well. There was a very scary aspect at the beginning. I was I would be very nervous about these things, very anxious. But eventually, honestly, it gets easy. So if you go on my Instagram, you would know that I have bipolar because I'm so open and honest about my journey. And I think a part of that comes from the fact that I know that the fact that I am comfortable and I am open about my journey, it has helped other people talk to me and confide in me about their problems as well. So this has helped in community building. The power of storytelling is so crucial because you realize that when you are honest and open about your journey, it gives power to someone else to talk about their shit. So that is something that has always driven me. The fact that, oh, if I am being honest about this, I know it's going to impact someone in a very positive manner. To answer your question, it has been very scary at the start, but now it's easy. Now I don't mind talking about it. Even doing shows like this one, it's not that difficult for me anymore. And yeah, it's just something that adds value to the world. So this is something which I absolutely love.

Ramnani: So if many people have contacted you about their experience and stories, can you tell me a bit about what they said?

Bharad: So I also run a podcast called Beautiful You, where we talk about journeys with people who have been diagnosed with different mental health disorders, and they want to talk about their journey and their message as well. So some of the people that have approached me have approached that, oh, I see that I've come across your podcast. I would like to be a guest on it. Some of them have talked about that. I have a friend who's a really good friend. We, we didn't talk like at all. We were basically strangers. And he told me about his journey with mental health, his diagnosis with mental health. And he told me that he felt comfortable talking about it because he knew I would get it because I also have bipolar. So it's basically that. And also, you know, if someone is struggling, they are not afraid to ask for help and come to me. They would tell me that this is what is happening. Do you have any contacts for a psychiatrist or psychologist? I would like to approach for help, or they would just confide in me, and I think that is so powerful to be able to provide a safe space for other people as well. So this the world and your life just it's not just about you, but it's so, so much bigger than you, right? Yeah. A lot of people have just talked about their journey. They just want someone to listen to them. If not that, then they would want to want help. So I would direct them to, uh, any contacts that I have for psychiatry or therapy.

Ramnani: It sounds very empowering.

Bharad: It is. Yeah.

Ramnani: Okay. So tell me about your mental health and advocacy work. What do you do? Who do you help? What changes have you made and what changes do you want to make?

Bharad: Ah, that's a pretty loaded question. So, um, currently I run a mental health care startup called Beautiful You. It's we advocate for mental health through content. So we have we are on Instagram. You can find us on beautiful dot pod. Uh, we have a newsletter, we have a podcast where we share journeys of people diagnosed with mental health disorders and just anyone who has a mental health message to share with the masses. Um, you can find that on Spotify and YouTube. And apart from that, currently we are bringing it offline. So we are also approaching schools and colleges where we would be talking about mental health like psycho, educating people and bringing it offline. So that is another aspect that's happening. It's currently a team of about thirty members under me and we have five departments. So yeah, that is essentially my work. And the people that we target are, um, anyone who wants to educate themselves with mental health, with psychology, anyone who has a, who has an interest in it, anyone who wants to share their stories, anyone who is struggling with mental health and wants to get better. Those are primarily our audience. And, um, we ran a video project in, with, in collaboration with Bipolar India last year where we made a video where we talked about like we had volunteers who shared their journey with bipolar and we made it into a video and it got played at a national conference. So it's like, and that helped in community building because it was for the people with bipolar by the people with bipolar, right. So being very candid about their journeys, that has been one. We also ran a month long mental health campaign in the month of May last year, where we had like weekly, we had daily prompts and we had new episodes releasing every week. Um, that helped people a lot by grounding themselves by, you know, giving them the right resources that they need. We got some really good experience. Like we got some really good feedback from that. And honestly, it's just expanding. Like the work with my advocacy has honestly been expanding. I got featured in the people. Like I mentioned before, I'm in collaboration with Omaha with another mental health care company. So honestly, it just keeps on growing even as like a personal brand, even as Avantika, like for who I am and as beautiful you as well. So yeah, and moving forward, I would like to bring it offline and do more events, do more workshops, do more seminars, hold mental health circles as like a safe space for men and women to come and share their thoughts and their their feelings, you know, and just be present. I would like to expand my podcast as well and reach out to more people, get more collaborations, get more sponsorships, stuff like that. So the sky's the limit. So yeah, that is something that is on my mind and that's something that I'm working towards, uh, for this year.

Ramnani: That sounds wonderful. Thank you. What needs to change in India to improve the way mental health survivors are treated by individuals, society, government and mental health bodies?

Bharad: So much. It's we have made a lot of progress for sure, but so much more needs to be changed. It's the way that people accept people, the way people look at people with mental health disorders. It's the like the acceptance part of it is a big deal. There needs to be more and more insurances that come up. You know, therapy and psychiatry services need to be covered in insurance as well. That is one thing. And, um, yeah, the government laws need to need to be changed. The job prospects of it, the employment prospects of people with disorders. There is a certificate called disability certificate that will give you certain privileges if you get that certificate. Um, but the conditions for that are not completely aware about what the conditions are, but it needs to be more inclusive in terms of disorders. So, um, yeah, there needs to be a lot of work to be done at the government level as well. In terms of just people in general, like people around you. Uh, people need to be educated about these things. There are so many disorders even today that has so much, so much stigma about around it. Like, let's take an example of borderline personality disorder or schizophrenia. People have this notion that these people are very violent or they are harmful, or they're just someone to be scared of. But that's not really the case. You need to humanize these conditions. You need to humanize these people going through it. They are just people at the end of the day who have certain conditions, and we need to share compassion to them. We need to accept them. Look for a holistic development in general. A lot needs to be changed, and I think it starts from being more open and honest about your journeys. And because when someone talks about their journey, it humanizes the experience too. Like if I don't tell you that I have bipolar, you wouldn't be able to tell me. It's not obvious. It's all it's a brain disorder, so it's not obvious physically. I'm a very high functioning individual. So looking at my lifestyle, you would you would never imagine that, oh, she has something that is so severe. So me talking about my journey will give people inside that, oh, okay. This is there is something called bipolar. These are the repercussions for it. These are the consequences. So if someone lives with it, so it's like opening up and talking about your journeys as well will go a long way. Building a community, building a safe space, educating people about it. Honestly, I can go on and on about it. That needs to change. We are not there yet, but I'm very happy to see where we are right now compared to how we were like five years ago. For sure there is some change in India, we just need to do more.

Ramnani: So if someone who is listening to this has a friend or relative with bipolar and may be nervous, uncomfortable, or they may not know what to do to support the person. What advice would you give them?

Bharad: That's a good question. I would honestly tell them to, first of all, educate yourself on the condition. Understand what it is. Have yourself familiarized with the terminology like what are the symptoms? What exactly is bipolar? So you need to educate yourself on that. Understand it, just listen to what the other person has to say. Talk to them instead of assuming that this is the help that they need, ask them what help do you need? Create a space of non-judgment. Just listen to them talk about whatever that they need, and then try and then assess if you are able to give that to them. Thirdly, I would say do not pour from an empty cup. You need to first take care of yourself. It is sometimes a consuming disorder. If you're extremely like out of your way to support someone. When you're the one who is not doing well, it won't do you any good or the other person any good. So you need to take care of yourself as well, and then only extend your helping hand. Those are the three things. Educate yourself, ask them and listen to them. Provide them a safe space and take care of yourself.

Ramnani: I am interested to know why you agreed to do this interview.

Bharad: I'm very open about advocating for my journey and mental health. So when I got your message on matchmaker and on Instagram, I was very intrigued and I was like, oh, this is another way of me advocating, you know, and sharing my journey out there. So that was my main inclination.

Ramnani: Do you have any final thoughts?

Bharad: Not really. It was a very, uh, well, interview. I enjoyed all the questions. You had some really good questions. So I enjoyed all the process of it and it was fun talking to you. Thank you for having me. I am really grateful that, you know, you reached out and that we had this recording done. For those who are listening to the episode, if you would like to reach out to me, uh, you can find me at avantika dot b02 or you can find my, my beautiful new startup at beautiful dot pod on Instagram.

Ramnani: Thank you for giving me your time and for a very interesting interview.

Bharad: Of course. Yeah. It's my pleasure.

Ramnani: Okay. Have a nice day.

Bharad: You too. Thank you for having me. Bye.