Ramnani: In this episode of shares with me, I'm joined by Glenn, a father whose story is as heart opening as it is profound. Glenn takes us into the deeply personal journey of raising his son, Gabriel, who was born with a rare degenerative neurological condition. Despite severe disabilities, Gabriel's life was filled with joy, laughter, and an extraordinary capacity for love, leaving an imprint that would forever shape Glenn's understanding of connection, resilience, and what it truly means to care for another human being. After the devastating loss of Gabriel, Glenn and his family faced unimaginable grief. With this, grief gave them a new path that led them to foster care and ultimately to adopting their son, John. In this conversation, Glenn shares the realities behind the decision the uncertainty, the learning curves, and the deeply human moments that came with raising a mirror, divergent child in a world that doesn't always know how to support them. We also explore the explored the challenges families faced during Covid, especially those with children who have additional needs. Glen offers an honest perspective on education, systems, advocacy, and what it really takes to show up for a child when assistance falls short. This episode is about love in its many forms grief, growth, patience, and unwavering commitment. It's a powerful reminder that even in the hardest moments, there is meaning, connection, and hope. Here's my conversation with Glen. Hi.

Stephens: Hey. How are you?

Ramnani: I am good, how are you?

Stephens: Doing very well. Thank you for asking.

Ramnani: It is very nice to meet you.

Stephens: Very good to meet you as well.

Ramnani: Thank you so much for your time. Can I ask you about your biological son, please?

Stephens: So Gabriel was born in two thousand and six. He was born with a degenerative neurological disorder called a Khadih Gutierrez syndrome, which strips the myelin sheaths away from all of his neurons. It left him severely disabled. Speech impaired, hearing impaired. Couldn't walk. Couldn't eat for himself. Obviously not going to. To learn in the sense that a neurotypical individual would learn.

Ramnani: What was he like as a child?

Stephens: Gabriel was wonderful. Um, despite his impairments, despite the neurological disorder, um, the six years that we had with Gabriel, while challenging fun at times, um, were learning experience. He was a joy to be around. He loved to laugh. He loved to be held, loved to hug, um, loved to be around animals, loved to experience new things as often as we could get him out.

Ramnani: And how would you describe Gabriel to someone who had never met him?

Stephens: Very much like I just described him a moment ago. Loved to laugh, love to smile, love to swim, obviously, you know, I would also warn them, or, uh, prepare them for the truth that Gabriel was gonna be in a wheelchair. Um, if they saw him standing, it was going to be with a, an assisted device called a stander or a walker. Let them know that they didn't need to be afraid to hold him, that they, they could hold him. Um, 'cause he loved to be held, loved to, to be hugged by others. Encourage the individuals meeting Gabriel that they did not need to be scared of. Gabriel. They did not need to be scared of the disability that the neurological disorder caused

Ramnani: I understand that you have been a teacher for many years and you probably know the school system well. What were the issues that you faced with Covid and before that time with Covid?

Stephens: Um, so obviously Covid era was with our adopted child from foster care. John's disability wasn't 100% apparent to anyone who looked at him. John has, um, moderate to severe, uh, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder at the moment that schools transitioned to Zoom learning. John couldn't connect with the, the teacher, and so he would look at the screen and an interview like this interview couldn't take place because John would very quickly become impatient with the screen. He would shut down completely, where a 30 minute lesson, John couldn't spend 30 minutes on the computer. He would spend five minutes on the computer and have a meltdown. Very quickly. We had to transition away from Zoom learning with an educator to, I would communicate with the, the educator via email or via Zoom myself, and I ended up teaching John.

Ramnani: How is that for you?

Stephens: Yeah, it was difficult. The Covidian shutdowns that lasted in the Charlotte area for about a year were very challenging for us. We didn't get, uh, even as an educator, I wasn't able to bring John along as fast as he needed to come along. He, a lot of learning loss took place in that year for John, for obvious reasons. I couldn't work. I was home with John, you know, 24 7. And so it created a lot of challenges and there's a lot of learning loss being made up for John. We have since taken John out of the public school system and placed him in a private school, which more appropriately meets his need.

Ramnani: Did you get any support with John during Covid?

Stephens: His, uh, counselor and his case manager tried for about the first month, Covidian shutdowns, but very quickly ran into issues when the school board shuts down a school that ends as far as the school system is concerned, that ends their responsibility. They're not responsible for children during a snow day, for instance. And so there were a lot of issues, a lot of things going on. At one point in time, filed a complaint with the North Carolina Department of Public Instruction that John's needs weren't being met, that his, uh, individualized education program wasn't being followed and was told exactly what I just told you. That when the school system shuts down, their obligations pretty much get marginalized, pretty much get ended. And at some point in time, they would try, uh, by law, they would try and come back and offer what's called compensatory education, which in many cases is not appropriate education.

Ramnani: What do you think went wrong with the lack of support?

Stephens: obviously, we wanna be careful. COVID was a unique situation. Um, the initial shutdowns, it was understandable that the support wasn't there. But by the start of the next school year, by the start of the 20 20, 20 21 school year, school systems should have had a plan in place, uh, particularly in Charlotte. That plan wasn't well communicated, if it was formulated at all. And so, transparency, communication, lack of planning, all of those played into the difficulties that students and families were facing, uh, during the next year of Zoom learning.

Ramnani: I want to go back to Gabriel for a minute. What were some of the unique aspects of your parenting journey with your biological son?

Stephens: So in stark contrast to the school system's response to, to COVID with, with John, with Gabriel, the school system was very supportive with Gabriel. We received in-home services, the school's occupational therapist came out to the house, the school speech therapist, physical therapist, all came out to the house, all worked with Gabriel very extensively. Um, even with the diagnosis of the, a cardia syndrome in which Gabriel's ability to move was going to be severely limited, he was likely to never actually be able to speak. So they worked very extensively with him right up until the day that he went into the hospital with the flu, which ended up claiming his life. So our experience with the school system with Gabriel was very positive, and I give them very high marks for their willingness to work with him, even within his disability.

Ramnani: How did the loss of your biological son, Gabriel, impact your family dynamics and your perspective on parenting.

Stephens: Well, obviously, when one loses anybody, when one loses a child, one goes through a period of grief. It was a very difficult grief. The severity of the grief lasted for a good year. We found out shortly after Gabriel passed away that we couldn't have any more biological children. So we pivoted to the idea of adoption and, um, when, for financial reasons, adopting privately wasn't going to be a option. We started looking into fostering, which is a good story and an interesting story in and of itself because we had no intentions on adopting a child through foster care. We were simply going to open up a foster home, open up our spare bedroom to children coming in. And, um, for viewers who don't understand, the purpose of foster care is to bring a child out of their biological home so that the parents can get the help that they need, and then reunify the children with their, their biological parents. So we understood that, you know, we were opening up ourselves to bringing in children, loving them for a time, and then sending them back to their biological home while we were about to get our license from North Carolina. And our social worker came to us and knew that our story with Gabriel, that we had experience raising a child with disabilities. And she presented us with the case, uh, study for John. And, um, John at the time was, he was just about to turn two, but he was nonverbal. Um, he had had hydrocephalus, um, and had spent some time in the emergency room where they had put in an emergency drain. And so they were concerned that we were gonna be facing some fairly serious disabilities with John as well. And so they approached us and said, Hey, we've got this child at nearly two years old and disabled. We're not sure how severely he's gonna be disabled. Would you consider adopting this child? And we prayed about it. We considered it. We looked, we looked at all of the pros and cons. About a month or two after our license came through from the state of North Carolina, we quickly pivoted and said to North Carolina, yes, we would pursue adopting. John brought John in, loved him and helped get him to the place where he is today, where he's very verbal, very vocal, very outgoing. The, the results of all of his impairments when he was just two years old have largely faded away. There's some learning disability. There's obviously, again, as mentioned before, the moderate to severe attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. There's some impulsivity. He's a pretty anxious child, but we love him dearly. We love him differently than we love Gabriel. But every bit, as much as we love Gabriel

Ramnani: Tell me about the first time you saw it on and what was it like

Stephens: John's social worker actually remarked during that visit, um, that you would've thought, we knew John and John knew us from birth. So this was a group setting where a lot of adults were in the room. It was super, completely supervised. Lots of social workers, lots of county officials sitting in the living room. And they brought John in and he immediately ran to my wife, ran into her arms, um, and gave her a big hug. And hopefully she doesn't mind me saying this, after that meeting, which was very joyous. Very, very friendly. A child that was, you know, clearly excited to be in the room with all of us, uh, including ourselves, who we had just met a few moments before. After that 30 minute meeting, my wife commented to her best friend that she felt like she had just met her son. The rest of it is the, the story. Uh, and, um, the county, uh, really fast track. The adoption adoptions usually take the better part of a year. This one was done within about seven months from the time we met John to the time we were getting the adoption degree. And it was meant to be in our hearts. And it was clearly meant to be for John. 'cause he was just absolutely joyous to be in our home.

Ramnani: Wow, what an amazing experience. So what was the first week or month like with John in your home?

Stephens: Well, there was a learning curve. Um, you know, we, John, when he first came into our home, he was still non vocal. And so there was a lot of trying to feel him out and interpreting what his few vocalizations actually meant. When he started to actually express himself vocally, there was basically a long E. So when he wanted your attention to e, EE, and then there was a whole vocabulary to learn because as he became more and more vocal, he would attribute what he was hearing from us in his own way. So he doesn't say this any longer, and he doesn't even really remember that he ever said it. But when he would look at a sock, he would say, gwa, that was his word for sock. And you would have, he'd sit there and, you know, he wanted to put his socks on and he would go, gwa, gwa, daddy gwa. But there, there was a learning curve. It, you know, we, we didn't know at that time that we were gonna be dealing with some, dealing with anxiety. We didn't know that we were dealing with impulsivity as a neurological disorder, if you will, as an impairment, if you will. And so some of the things that he would do when he was anxious would be he would throw small object. And so we had to learn how to handle that. And then obviously as he got older, seeks some professional assistance in controlling those, those kind of behaviors. So just like when a newborn comes into the house, it, it, it's different from the sense of with a newborn, you're dealing with certain biological issues that come up with a newborn whose body isn't 100% developed. But at the same time, there are things that you have to learn about a child. And that's what you do. You spend a week, you spend longer, but you spend that first week just learning what it means to have John in the house, spending that week learning, um, all over again, what it means to operate with a little bit less sleep. You know, you're now having to make meals with or another person in the house. But in the end it's worth it because, you know, now at the age of nearly 11 years old, you know, we're starting to see the fruits of the laborers that took place when John was only two and three years old.

Ramnani: What is he like now?

Stephens: Very energetic, um, very intelligent. Even if he can't necessarily express that intelligence in the way that the world might perceive it as intelligent. Very keen on drawing, very keen on science. Loves school. This is the first year that we've had him at this particular school, which is meeting some of his more non apparent needs that he loves going to school there wants to be there. We had an instance this past December where John was very sick and actually had to miss school for two or three days, and he didn't like missing school. He understood that he was sick, but he was like, I don't wanna, I don't wanna miss school Daddy, I don't wanna miss school. Mommy. Oh, let me go to school, let me go to school. I'm like, Don, you need another day of rest, buddy. So, very fun loving. You know, he, he asked Jess the other day if he could go to the, uh, local science museum. Again, very interested in new things that he hasn't experienced in the real world that he likes online or that he's read about. And so he is like, I might wanna do that, daddy, I might wanna do that. I'm like, okay, we'll see what we can do.

Ramnani: Amazing. What advice would you give to parents who are thinking of adopting a special child?

Stephens: Learn as much as you can about neuro atypicals, neuro atypical children. Um, learn as much as you can about any disability that you might be, be looking at adopting a child with. Don't just say, because in your heart you want to adopt, or a children on the autism spectrum, actually research autism spectrum disorder. And find out what it is going to be like in general so that you can at least have the idea of what you're going to deal with in the real world. Same thing with less apparent disabilities. We did our research. We didn't know that John could be diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, let alone impulsivity. But fortunately with my education background, once we got that diagnosis, we had a foundation to go on. Learn as much as you can about the process that you're going to go through. The legalities, the hoop we adopted through foster care. So fortunately the state of North Carolina included, have a really well-defined process. If you're adopting privately, get yourself good legal counsel because you're, you're gonna need that legal counsel to help you na, navigate all of the filings and the court issues that that might arise during the adoption process. And then just be open to whatever happens. You, you've gotta be flexible and you've gotta be understanding the risk of, of sounding like a cliche. Enjoy the process 'cause you're gonna learn a lot. But remember that all of this process is going to help you develop the love for the child that you're seeking to adopt.

Ramnani: What an amazing story. I wonder if you have any regrets

Stephens: Not in adopting John. Um, and certainly not in raising Gabriel. Um, obviously most of us do things in out of passion in the heat of the moment that we might regret. You know, sometimes I might not relate to the adults that are trying to tell us that they can't do a certain thing. You know, a certain service can't be provided to John. You know, I might regret or I might have done certain things to individuals outside of the family or with individuals outside of the family. But loving John has been one of the best decisions of our life. Raising Gabriel certainly was one of the best things that we've done as a couple. And I have done personally as an adult, definitely been a learning experience. And I continue to learn every single solitary day. I mean, every day is a new day with John and every day he reacts a certain way in a new situation. And you go, huh, okay, so now we know what we need to do in that situation.

Ramnani: What message or insight do you hope that listeners will take away from your story?

Stephens: Take your time, especially if you're looking at fostering children. Recognize that you are bringing children into your home to love them for a period of time. And then the state's goal is to send those children back to their biological parents. So recognize that you're gonna love these children. You're gonna give up yourself for these children, and then these children are gonna leave you. If you're looking at adopting, be patient with the system. It's gonna take some time. Understand the system, understand your rights in the system, understand the rights of the child, understand the rights of biological parents during the process, and open up your heart. Be willing to learn, be willing to love, uh, be willing to sacrifice. Be open to suggestion, but just open up your heart and, you know, let the process teach you. And just let the love for that child grow and develop and create a beautiful mosaic for that child's life.

Ramnani: Do you have anything to share that I haven't asked you?

Stephens: Not anything that you haven't asked me, I just wanna sit there and say, I want say that this has been an amazing experience. I want to thank you for, um, giving me the opportunity to share both Gabriel's story and John's story, uh, with your viewers and really hope that our stories can inspire other families who are either living with disability now or seeking to care for a child, whether it be through foster care or whether it be adopting in the future.

Ramnani: Thank you very much, I appreciate it.

Stephens: That's my pleasure.

Ramnani: It is a delight to interview you and to hear your story.

Stephens: Thank you. Great. Appreciate it. The pleasure's all mine.