Ramnani: I am Dr. Sapna Ramnani, and you're listening to share it with me, and the journalist living with the speech impairment, and that means my voice is a little more difficult to understand. But I didn't want that to stop me from asking the questions that matter. In this podcast, I use an aid I voice to help me bring those questions to life. The voice is synthetic, with the thoughts, the emotions, and the intent behind every question and comment completely my own. You'll hear that I voice throughout the interview, but know that I'm here, guiding every moment of the conversation. Welcome back to this podcast. Today I'm really excited to share a conversation that someone truly inspires, Tatiana Sock. Tatiana is a trauma and somatic therapist, as well as a holistic coach, who helps women feel their nervous systems and move beyond survival mode. In this episode, she opens up about her own journey, growing up with trauma, living for years in survival mode, struggling with anxiety, dissociation, and even more. At times, life felt impossible. What's powerful about Tatiana's story is how she found her way into healing through somatic experience, and how she now guides others to rediscover safety in their bodies, their ranges, and live more fully. This is such an honest and heartfelt conversation. We talk about your own rigidity, what a victim mindset really means, and how healing is possible even when the past feels overwhelming. So grab the cochlea, saddle in, and next, dive into my conversation with Tatiana Sock.

Ramnani: Hi. How are you?

Szulc: I'm good. It's so nice to meet you.

Ramnani: It is very nice to meet you too. Thank you for your time today.

Szulc: Of course. I'm happy to be here. I'm looking forward to talking to you.

Ramnani: Yes, me too. Can you tell me about yourself?

Szulc: Absolutely. So I am a trauma and somatic therapist, as well as a holistic coach. So I specialize in helping women heal their nervous systems and heal trauma through a holistic lens, and also through a method called somatic experiencing. So I don't do any talk therapy. I'm really working with the body, the nervous system, to heal trauma, and to really change your physiology to ultimately live a life outside of survival mode. So I am so passionate about helping women heal and just live thriving lives. So that's a little bit about what I do.

Ramnani: Thank you. So I understand that you had some trauma yourself, and you lived in survival mode because of experiencing trauma. Can you tell me your best, what survival mode means for you?

Szulc: Yeah. Absolutely. So survival mode for me really looked like living in a constant state of anxiety, racing thoughts, always feeling like I had to do more, always on the go. I couldn't really rest, and I didn't know how to slow down. And I was very reactive, so I struggled a lot with just my mood and regulation, and I would often fall into states of dissociation, and I would zone out. I was really disconnected from myself, disconnected from others. And so I've experienced trauma from a very early age. So I lived in survival mode really my entire life until I discovered somatic experiencing. So which was only about four years ago, so really a long, long time living in the state of survival, and really struggling with all of these symptoms that really made me feel unfulfilled with life, unfulfilled with my relationships, unfulfilled with work, and it was hard. And so I tried all of these different modalities. I was looking for everything. I was trying to go to therapy, trying to do breathwork, trying to meditate, right? And nothing seemed to help, nothing seemed to work until I found somatic experiencing.

Ramnani: Would you mind talking me through the trauma you had experienced as a child?

Szulc: Sure. So I experienced a lot of physical trauma, emotional trauma, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and there's just a long history of generational trauma as well, right? And so my parents' unresolved wounds obviously impacted my nervous system and my ability to develop healthy skills, right? I didn't really have a lot of support emotionally growing up while I was experiencing all of these things that felt really lonely. And I started to develop these symptoms that no one really knew how to address. Nobody really knew if I was making things up or if they were real, and that in itself really contributed to, again, like that isolation, those symptoms that I was already feeling. They were just worsened and increased because they weren't really being addressed when they needed to growing up as a child. But over time, my symptoms just kept getting worse and worse. I also have experienced domestic violence, and so that was kind of like another layer to what I was already experiencing in my home.

Ramnani: That sounds very hard.

Szulc: Yeah, it was really hard and that was one of the main reasons why I decided to go into this field because I felt so lonely and I felt like I didn't get the support and I wanted to be there for people who also didn't have the support that I had growing up.

Ramnani: You mentioned that there is a long-term impact of anxiety, depression, and dissociation. Talk me through your experience of this.

Szulc: Yeah, so well, okay, so my anxiety kind of showed up in a lot of different ways. And so first, I think that I had a lot of social anxiety, and so it really impacted my ability to speak up in public spaces. It really made it hard to develop healthy relationships. I remember when I was young, my anxiety was so bad that I would become mute. So if somebody spoke to me in public, I would leave not talk, and it wasn't something that it was like a conscious thing. It wasn't something that I could control. I just felt like I couldn't say anything. And so I really became selectively mute. But then I was just labeled as like shy, oh, she's just shy. She just doesn't want to talk, right? But it was a lot more than that. It was a lot deeper for me inside internally. The feeling really was more intense than people actually understood. And then growing up, you know, as I got older, it kind of made it worse. So I really had a hard time making friends. I had a hard time speaking up in public. When I was in grad school, that's when my anxiety was probably at its highest. And also when I graduated, so when I got my first job out of grad school, I would quite literally go into a panic when somebody spoke to me. So even right now, I wouldn't even be able to have this conversation with you now. I wouldn't be able to be on this podcast now because I was so anxious right in the past. And then the dissociation was really just like an ongoing thing where I would zone out. I would have like moments where I would blank out, and I wouldn't know how long time had gone by. I didn't know what happened in between those times. And it significantly got worse again as I got older and I would be driving and I would dissociate or I would be in the middle of a conversation and I would dissociate. And yeah, it was a lot because it was obviously dangerous, but I didn't know what was happening in my brain. I didn't know what was happening in my body. So yeah, things like that. And again, like the anxiety, I also had a hard time just like slowing down. It would work, work. It was definitely a work of like I would work more than 40 hours a week, and it just made it really hard for me to rest and like be comfortable with doing nothing or just I would get bored very easily because I needed like that constant stimulation.

Szulc: So did anyone know what you were going through?

Ramnani: No, nobody knew what I was going through. I didn't even know what I was going through, right? It was something that I was experiencing, but I just almost thought like this was who I was. I had experienced it for so long that I thought this is just who I am and I have to find a way to deal with it. And nobody really knew what was going on.

Szulc: How did people treat you?

Ramnani: I guess it depends, right? I always felt like people were judging me because of like the dissociation. I didn't know if like people could see what I was experiencing. Would isolate a lot because I felt like I was being judged, but I don't know if that was actually true or not, right? I don't know what was going through their mind, but again, like I said, it was really hard to like develop healthy relationships because I didn't feel safe or I didn't trust people. And so it just made it really hard. And the anxiety was so intense that it just really didn't allow me to continue conversations or continue to reach out to people.

Szulc: What did you feel you lacked as a child, which you've rediscovered during your healing? In what ways do you find the lack of support, including protection for childhood abuse victims, impacted your journey? How did you navigate through these challenges?

Szulc: Yeah. So I think that through healing, I've gained so much, right? I've really gained my life back. I have learned to honor myself, which is something that I wasn't able to honor myself, you know, growing up or in the past, even as an adult. I've learned to create that safety in my body, which I didn't have before, right? Which was what was often leading to that disconnection and leading to being in these states of fight or flight and just learning how to repair it myself, learning how to be there for myself and giving myself what I didn't have as a child, right? Learning how to set boundaries, learning how to speak up, learning how to regularly. And again, just again, just be with my body and create that safety for myself. The journey has been hard because like I said earlier, I've tried all of these different modalities. I've tried all of these different things and nothing really helped until I found somatic experiencing, which ultimately is really what helped me find that safety again in my nervous system and finally be able to move outside of survival mode. And the reason that I think it helped so much was because it truly worked directly with my nervous system to change the physiology, right? Because when we experience trauma, our physiology changes. Not just our brain, our entire body, right? It impacts our entire body. I think that's why so many of the things that I tried wasn't really getting to the root of the problem because I was only working with the thoughts or the mind or the brain, right? And finally after I found somatic experiencing, I realized, oh my gosh, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I don't have to live in the state of anxiety all of the time. This doesn't have to be my life. And I think that's so often children, ageors, adults who are stuck in these states just kind of start to lose hope if nothing starts to work, right? And it's like, this is my life. I can't do anything about it. And I think that's kind of like where I was. And that's why I'm so now, right? Because I want the whole world to understand like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You can heal and you can live a life outside of survival mode. I think when you experience really severe trauma, I think for me, there is like nothing can be worse than this, right? And my goal was really to be that person who supports other people. And so my goal was always like, okay, I need to get my degrees. I need to become a therapist so that I can be that guide for somebody else. And so that was always the thing that I kept kind of in my mind, right? That's the thing that I kept holding on to. Everything else seemed to minor in my life, right? Like if there was a minor inconvenience, that's like, I just kept going, right? Because there was nothing that could have shaken me more than what I had already experienced. And so I think that just having that goal in mind is truly what kept me going. I really made it like my life's mission to never have anyone feel the way that I felt growing up. And really, I think that's what kept me going. I don't think that there was anything else that really supported me. Like I said, I didn't really have a lot of support throughout those years. I didn't really have adults in my life who felt safe or who guided me. And so it was really just kind of trying to persevere really and trying to keep going, trying to reach my goal.

Ramnani: So do you think you are a better therapist because of what you went through?

Szulc: I think so. That's a really good question. I do think that I am a better therapist because of what I went through. And I think that I can really put myself in another person's shoes. I can really have that empathy and really understand what someone has experienced because I've experienced it too. And I think that even though we all have different experiences, being able to sit with someone and sit in the resonance with them can be so powerful. And I think that what I've experienced has really helped me be more in touch with the resonance with the women that I sit with, with the women that I work with. So I do believe that being what I've experienced makes me a better therapist. And not to say that you have to experience those things to be a good therapist, right? But I do think that it helps me in some way.

Ramnani: So what do you think a victim mindset is?

Szulc: So often people blame the person who's experiencing this victim mentality. And, you know, they say that that person is choosing to have a victim mentality. But I don't believe that's true. A victim mindset really stems from not having the capacity in the body, in the nervous system to think any differently. And so I think every single thought, every single emotion, every single behavior is a reflection of the state of your nervous system. And if you are stuck in this victim mentality, what it tells me is that your nervous system is in a state of freeze, right? And so we just have to move you through that state of freeze to be able to build the capacity to think differently.

Ramnani: So do you still have trauma alarms going off? But through all of it, how do you manage them when they show up?

Szulc: No matter how healed your nervous system is, you're always going to have high highs and low lows, right? It's hard, I think, for... And so I think we need to learn how to be with those stressors in life, right? And so what I really focus on is my body. And I try to focus on what I feel inside my body, right? The sensations in my body. Anytime that I feel triggered or activated, I remember to come back to what I'm feeling. Whenever I connect with my emotion with the feelings inside, then I can really start to shift the way that I'm responding to situations or to anything that is triggering me. So I always remind myself to connect back with what I'm experiencing with my feelings.

Ramnani: I wonder, have you been able to forgive those that have hurt you?

Szulc: Yes, because it was my parents, right? And so I think that I've learned to have a relationship with them in a way where I'm not consumed by what I experienced. And not everyone can do this, but I think as a therapist, I can really understand why they've also experienced their own trauma. And so I think I can really understand that they're human. And I know that they love me and I know that they did the best that they could. And at the same time, they still hurt me, right? And so all things can be true at the same time. And I think so often what happens is we often think it has to be one or the other, right? And so it doesn't have to be one or the other. Multiple things can exist at the same time. Multiple truths can exist at the same time. And so I think that for me, I want to be in relationship with my parents and in order to be in relationship with them, then I have to do my own healing. And I have to just meet them where they're at. You can't change other people's behaviors. All you can do is focus on yourself and continue to heal and continue to work through those triggers when they come up. But yeah, I think that is it the best relationship ever and is it the kind of relationship that I would want? No, absolutely not, but it's a relationship and it's again, just kind of meeting them where they're at.

Ramnani: I want to repeat, can you tell me your final thoughts?

Szulc: Yeah, well, I mean, first of all, I just want to say thank you so much for having me as a guest. I've really appreciated being able to share my story and a little bit about the nervous system and somatic healing. That's definitely one of my biggest missions, just to spread more awareness on this topic. And whoever is listening to this podcast, I just want you to know that you're not alone in your experiences and there's always a light at the end of the tunnel and healing is possible. So again, thank you so much for having me on here.

Ramnani: Thank you so much for your time. I really enjoyed talking to you. Bye, bye.

You've been listening to Share It With Me. If this episode offers clarity or a connection, consider sharing it — the right story at the right time can change everything. Music you’ll hear is A Perfect Day by Iros Young, courtesy of Upbeat. This is Dr. Sapna Ramnani signing off. Stay curious, stay connected.