Ramnani: Welcome to the share it with me podcast, where we have honest conversations about the experiences that shape who we are. Today's episode is a powerful and deeply human conversation about success, trauma, grief, and mental health, especially within communities where these conversations are often silent. I'm joined by Reggie Ford, Wealth Management founder, author, and mental health advocate whose journey spans corporate success, generational trauma and a profound personal reckoning, that led him to redefine what success really means. Reggie shares a story behind his best selling book, Perseverance Through Severe Dysfunction, and speaks candidly about PTSD, anxiety, grief, racial trauma and the moment his body forced him to stop and listen. This is a conversation about healing, self-inquiry, and learning to prioritize mental health alongside ambition, not after it. Let's get into it. Hi.

Ford: Hi. How are you?

Ramnani: I'm good, thank you. How are you?

Ford: I'm doing well. I'm doing well. I'm so excited to, uh, talk to you today.

Ramnani: So I'm really pleased to talk to you today.

Ford: Good, good. Thank you for having me.

Ramnani: Thank you for your time.

Ford: Absolutely, absolutely. The honor is mine.

Ramnani: It is totally mine.

Ford: I'm ready to get started. And, uh, I'm an open book, so you can ask me whatever. And, uh, I'm excited to have a great conversation with you.

Ramnani: Great. I know that at some point, you were successful. What were you doing when your peers, you have a successful life?

Ford: That's a great question, and one that I ponder recently a lot, because I think I'm in the midst of redefining what success even is. But, uh, from the traditional sense in my career, uh, I've been trained in finance and accounting and had, um, been the, you know, the first person in my family to accomplish some of the things that I was doing first to graduate from a top university, from college, at a top university, started working with the big four accounting firms before working in wealth management. And then in twenty eighteen, I started a company in wealth management, which is still running to this day. And that was one of the earlier parts of the success, um, that then rolled into in twenty twenty one, I wrote a book called Perseverance Through Severe Dysfunction, PTSD, and that, uh, kind of launched me on a totally different trajectory. And, uh, I feel is much more of a success than anything I had done previously, just because it felt the most authentic to myself. And it has, as has opened up, um, a conversation that I don't think is often had, um, particularly in the black community.

Ramnani: So what motivates you to write a book?

Ford: Yeah. So the the the name of the book is perseverance through Severe Dysfunction breaking the curse of intergenerational trauma as a black man in America. And the motivation stems from wanting to better understand where I was from a mental health standpoint, from a social health standpoint, and just just overall looking at the dynamics with the relationships in my life and where I was physically and mentally trying to better understand that. And so I went on this quest to answer that question. Uh, it actually started as a journal where I would every day for about six months, just at the beginning or end of the day, or just some period in the day, typing my notes on my phone and about all the craziness that was happening at the time. Um, and this was right after my my. Most loving person in my life. My grandmother was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, and so it was a lot of venting in my, my notes and in the journal. And that is what ultimately became the book. So is your book published? It is. Yes, it's published, uh, available on all platforms, uh, bookstores. Um, and it's on Amazon, if you prefer to go that route. Super easy to get. It became a number one bestseller on there. And, um, just has opened up so many doors. And I think, again, going back to talking about mental health, talking about social justice, connecting dots between those two, because what I believe is anyone who is marginalized or who, uh, is oppressed by any means, their mental health is impacted by that marginalization. And so the book is to inform people of that and to express to people who are going through their mental health challenges or struggles, that they're not alone in that. Um, it all makes sense. And so, uh, but but ultimately that it's, it's in their power to get the help and the support that they need. It's kind of where, where it is, I imagine marginalized.

Ramnani: What is your story?

Ford: So I think, um, growing up in the, in the southern part of the United States, or just just period in the United States, as a black person, there are overt, very openly issues directed at black people, but then they're also covert and more systemic issues that affect black people disproportionately. And those are the issues that I mostly address in that. And so I think back to, um, my birth, right. I was born to a fourteen year old mother and a father who eventually ended up in prison. Those two, um, issues of teen pregnancy and mass incarceration are ones that greatly affect the black community more than other communities. And so I look at different issues as of that, um, regard throughout the entire book and point to, you know, this culmination of of emotion that came out of me knowing that it didn't originate just with me and my story.

Ramnani: So do you think his story is common in America?

Ford: I think parts of my story are common in America. One one other piece of it is just poverty, like growing up in poverty. And I think the we see the wealth disparities between the wealthy and the poor growing immensely across our country. And so, uh, even just experiencing poverty is, uh, something that I feel is common and probably will become more common as time goes on. Um, I will, uh, I don't want to speak for every black person in America, but I, I will imagine that so many will align with my story and have similar experiences of their own to share. And I think as it relates to mental health issues, I think that is one that I hope to bring people together on collectively, because it is a human issue that we all face. If we have a brain in our head and we're thinking and we're thinking about ourselves, and we're thinking about how we fit in this world, and when we're thinking about others and how they view us or how they don't view us. I think parts of my story are common throughout, everywhere, honestly.

Ramnani: I understand you went through anxiety and grief and you talked me through that.

Ford: Definitely, yeah. I think even before I knew what anxiety was, I'd experienced anxiety because, um, thinking back to childhood, you know, I had this inability to even talk the way that we're talking now, I would not be able to put these words together or think fast enough to put words together, to be able to speak to you. And so it made me appear to be as very shy and reserved kid, but it was honestly, um, just very difficult for me to form words as quickly as other people could. Um, out of fear of what I might say if it was stupid or not, or what people would think. And that's just a whole bunch of anxiety wrapped into that. And then I think back to some, some, some times when I was a younger child in, um, school, I the smell of food before a certain period of time in the day would make me puke. And just understanding that, you know, that that physical sensation of throwing up and what I felt was attached to an emotion, an emotion that I really couldn't explain, uh, but it was attached to something, uh, it was another form of that anxiety. But as I grew older, I think my anxiety started to look a little different. Um, when I was around the time of writing the book, I hadn't slept. I didn't sleep for about thirty days because there was anxiety, there were I. I live with PTSD and complex trauma, and so there were moments where I would try to shut my eyes to go to sleep and and I just couldn't. And every thought in the world would come to my head. And so, uh, and then on the depression and grief side, I've lost a lot of people, um, in my life.

Ramnani: I'm so sorry.

Ford: Starting at an early age, I had a friend who died at fifteen years old, had a cousin who died when I was, when I was seventeen. And, um, just so many more people dying and and some years very, you know, consecutively. And the grief behind that, um, which I don't fully think I experience, I didn't truly lean into the grief. I just continued to push through that built up until, you know, I have two pictures above my shoulders. When these two people died, these were my grandparents. Um, it it kind of erupted and it all hit me at once to where I was immobile and unable to operate in the same fashion that I had been in previous years. And so that was the cue for me to just really seek help for my mental health, so that I could be the person that you see today.

Ramnani: What is this like a kind of you come out of grief?

Ford: It was scary. It was really scary because I didn't recognize who I was. And I think, like for most of my life, like the success came from working hard, the success came from being a high achiever and being able to accomplish tasks, being very driven and goal oriented. But during that time, it was an inability to to do that and really not even a desire to do that because my focus had shifted so much to to other things like taking care of family or just not doing anything at all. And and so through the the process, it was the a means to getting back to not normal because I think after grief normal is different normal shifts. It was getting back to a place where I felt, um, purpose in what I was doing. And so that was a matter of really understanding who I was, why I was the way that I was, again, answering that question in the book, but then also getting professional help to understand that there were parts of me that I didn't even like about myself. There were parts of me that I needed to heal from, you know, past grief that was unprocessed, past trauma that went unaddressed. And coming out of it, uh, is a is a fantastic feeling because, uh, you can see the light, you can see the vision and the purpose. Um, not to say that some days aren't still difficult because they are, and I think that's a part of the healing process as well. But coming out of it is a beautiful thing that I am, I'm forever grateful for. Wow, that's just really amazing. I read that you had an out of body experience.

Ramnani: Can you talk me through the time.

Ford: You did your homework? I see, nice. Um, so the out of body experience, I think that so in psychology may be referred to as dissociation. Um, where, you know, mind and body are just not fully connected. And for me, it came during a period of time where I wasn't sleeping. Um, I didn't again didn't sleep for about thirty days. And so my mental function was was very poor. And I was laying down on the floor and I had a anxiety attack, a panic attack where I it started as me laughing on the ground, and then it turned into crying, and then it turned into these long tirades of just talking about anything and everything and then crying again, laughing again, up, down, up, down. And I really I in that moment, I had these lucid periods of seeing myself on the ground and thinking, how in the world did you end up here? Right. There was a part of me that was able to come outside of my body and see me and say, this isn't you. Right. This is the result of a lot of unaddressed issues. Um, but you on the ground right now, you what you're feeling, it isn't you and that seeing myself there, it just. It made me so sad. It made me, uh, really want to better myself. And that next or that night. So after thirty days of not sleeping, I finally got sleep that night because all those emotions had come out of me. And then the next day, I was on a mission to finding the help that I needed. I know that was a pivotal moment for you.

Ramnani: Can you please tell what has changed?

Ford: Yeah. Since that moment, I think I've put a greater emphasis on my mental health and well-being. Um, in all aspects of life. So it's not just work. It's work in mental health and wellbeing. It's not just exercise. Exercise and mental health and wellbeing. It's doing things mindfully so that it's nutrition and wellbeing. Doing things mindfully so that, um, I don't end up in that same situation. And when the difficult things do arise, it's allowing myself time to process those so that they don't build up and fill up a bottle that ultimately bursts. And what that looked like for me was taking a step back From the demands of my profession and really finding balance between what was required and what what I could do, because I only have so much capacity. And I think for me, uh, being a high achiever and always go, go, go. Finding that balance, uh, doesn't look like, you know, being lazy. I think that's a big scare and misconception that some people have of pulling back and finding balance is that they won't still be productive. But I'm still productive. I'm still doing amazing things. It's just more mindful and bringing it back to a place where I can sustain for a period of time. Uh, I also prioritize breaks and resting and, you know, stepping away so that I can recharge my batteries. I feel I'm a I'm an introvert at heart. And so I like to be alone and to rest and to nap and to read and do things like that, that recharge me. And so I make sure to to prioritize those much more. And then, um, also, I am a huge mental health advocate, if you can't tell already. And so therapy has become a huge part of my life and all of its various forms. So not just talk therapy, but somatic therapy, sound therapy, uh, just all different forms where the body is actually involved in the healing. Because I think for people who've experienced physical traumas or, uh, have, you know, emotions trapped in different parts of their body, you have to move those parts of your body. I do a ton of yoga. Uh, I still work out and do different things. Um, but, yeah, it's just it's just much more mindful around my overall wellbeing.

Ramnani: Can you tell me your experience of being a black person with mental health issues?

Ford: That's a loaded question, but yes. Uh, I think so again, I think mental health affects everybody. I, I, I think we all experience some form of anxiety and depression at some periods of our life. I think that is more than likely universal thing. And that's not just black. That's I feel like people. Right. Our minds are are programmed to respond to stimuli in the world in a certain way. That's going to make those come up. It's just the I think the difference is how long do those periods last, and how do those periods affect your, your life on an, on going basis? Um, and for me, it, uh, especially, you know, if we're going to specify black person, uh, it having racial trauma where, uh, you know, things about uh, my identity, uh, have been attacked in a way, it has created, uh, a very, um, strong distrust for certain people, uh, who have been been traumatizing in that way. And I think that carries into interpersonal relationships that, um, don't necessarily, um, require the amount of guardedness or, um, protection that I put up from that. And I think across the board on all of, uh, you know, just experiencing the types of trauma that I did from an interpersonal standpoint, it has created a very much guarded and protective way of looking at the world because, um, my, my brain and my heart are ultimately trying to survive, right? And trying to protect itself. Um, but the disconnect is that it's trying to protect me and save me for for life or death situation. But my trauma is not always life or death. It just feels that way in my body. And and so it's trying like like healing is trying to break that attachment. It's like, no, someone's saying a bad thing to you or someone, you know, scaring you in a way or whatever it may be is not life or death. It is a a fact that happens. Let's look at it. Can we be objective about it? And so we can break those associations between the trauma and what we're actually experiencing.

Ramnani: Where are you every denial of your truama?

Ford: Yes, I was that's something that, uh, really pushed me to write the book because it's I think it was so pervasive, at least in my family and in the community that I grew up in, in Nashville, Tennessee, to look at the things that I was experiencing as normal and not traumatic or extraordinary, uh, because so many other people were experiencing them as well. And, you know, I alluded to some of the things, but, you know, poverty and teen teen pregnancy and incarceration and you got drugs, gangs and violence and all of those different things were looked at as normal, not traumatic. And because they were looked at as normal, they weren't treated as traumatic. And going untreated leads, you know, over time it builds up and you start to see those behaviors come out in the reaction to the world. There are three big sections of the book that the book follows. The first one is normalization followed by realization and then ultimately liberation. And I think, you know, that period of normalization was a period of normalizing all those things that were traumatic that I didn't consider to be traumatic. It wasn't bad. It wasn't anything or out of the ordinary because we all experience life like this, right? But that wasn't the case. And when I got to a period of realization where I could step back and see that other people don't experience that, that didn't feel good, why would I normalize that? Different things like that. Um, that's when I started to, really work on myself. And then that leads to the liberation piece of where you can break free from some of those pains of your past, to then find that purpose and that power to keep you going. And then ultimately find peace and happiness and overall satisfaction in life.

Ramnani: I totally understand where you're coming from because I have a similar book. There must have been things in your life that lead you to water. How in the world did I end up here? Can you elaborate on this?

Ford: Yeah, yeah. Great question. The big piece was me laying there on the floor. How did I physically get there? Because I don't even remember. Um, but then emotionally, how was I in such a bad space? And the things that that were happening around that time, I had lost, uh, some significant relationships in my life. Both of my grandparents had passed away, and I had lost that sense of safety and love that I had experienced from them. And then the relationship with my parents was, um, estranged after, you know, I had a really strong relationship with my dad. You know, when I was eighteen years old, till I was twenty eight. Uh, we had a really strong relationship, but then that just completely went down the drain. Um, because of differences in and reactions to the death of his parents, which were my grandparents, and then me. And my mom's relationship was also nonexistent as well. And it, I think, you know, stems from just a bunch of people with unaddressed traumas all interacting with each other until, you know, something big cataclysmic happens to where, um, there's there's no more coping. There is no more, um, managing those emotions. They come out and they come out viciously and scary and, um, you know, part of part of my coping at the time. And, and what I felt was a healthy way of coping was to set boundaries so that those those influences didn't affect my life so negatively. But even in setting those boundaries, there was grief around those losses because I loved these people. And so those were the major things. Um, and, you know, that is that is not to diminish the loss of life from so many friends that I had over the time from, uh, you know, just really experiencing, um, some, some other poor treatment in life. But, um, I think, you know, those have been things, again, going back to normalization, I had normalized and been able to prepare myself for. But the loss of those close loved ones was kind of the tipping point for me.

Ramnani: Can you tell me how did you feel about yourself back then, in comparison to the way you feel about yourself now?

Ford: Yeah, I think during that I felt very numb compared, uh, compared to now, I felt like I was not suicidal. I think when I tell my story and the way that I do, many people make that assumption. But I wasn't suicidal, but I didn't have much motivation about life in the same way. I really was just super depressed and kind of waking up and feeling bad for myself, um, feeling bad about all the things that had occurred and feeling, uh, that they were unfair and that, um, I had been cheated of of, you know, some of the good things in life by, by intentional force of people, not just by happenstance, but by, you know, people's deliberate actions. I felt that's a great question. Um, because I'm having to tap back into those feelings. Um, I felt that what I had, you know, all the things that I had committed to in terms of, uh, work and relationship in life, that they were somehow like there was a lie somewhere, told to me and that I was I was doing it wrong because in my mind I had done all the things right. I had been, you know, a good person. I done the, you know, gone to school and not, you know, I had harmed some people in my past and I, you know, I tried to make amends for some of those wrongdoings. Uh, but once, you know, learning from my mistakes and things like that, I felt that I was doing life right and that it had erupted in a way that, uh, wasn't fair. I remember reading the book, Why do bad Things Happen to Good People? And I'm not a religious person, but that book is is written by a, I think, a Christian, a Christian pastor. And I just I was trying to find an answer like, why? Why does this happen to good people? And and not even just me. When I was thinking about that book, I was thinking about my grandmother who died of brain cancer. I was thinking about my grandfather, whose life at the end of his life was just not what I felt it should have been, and really curious around that. And so it was it was a it was a feeling of, of sorrow for myself. Um, but now it's, it's, you know, understanding the control that I have in my life around certain things and the and the things that I don't have control over. I think back in the day, it was a feeling that I had to have control over all of these different aspects that really I could not even touch if I wanted to. And, and now I can recognize the difference between what's mine to hold and carry and what's not. And that is a a freeing and liberating feeling.

Ramnani: How do you see the intersection of personal success and mental health, and what advice do you have for individuals who may be struggling with similar challenges while pursuing their own goals?

Ford: Uh, one I think to have success, your mental health is intact. That should be a a number one priority in achieving whatever goal it is for you. So if it's I want to make a billion dollars, it should be I want to make a billion dollars and have my mental health intact. And if it's if it's to travel every single country, to travel every single country and have my mental health intact, because I think a lot of people have sacrificed their mental health in order to achieve those goals. And to me, that doesn't feel like success. That feels miserable, because I was one of those people who had accomplished the things that I had written down as success. These are my goals. If I accomplish them, they'll be success. But I was miserable. And so I say that those two have to be in alignment at all times. They have to coexist. My advice to people is to bring awareness back to yourself and understand how your past, or how the things that you experienced on a daily basis affect your mental health. You may not initially get there on understanding the connection, but maybe you experience something in your body where when this person says that about your identity, your heart races a little bit, or when you hear someone talking about their relationship with their parents, significant other, uh, child, whatever it may be, it creates some type of physical sensation because our physical sensations are connected to our emotional well-being as well. And so if you can start to bring awareness around that and get curious around that and really, truly try to understand yourself and your story, I think that'll go a long way in helping you to address those issues before it becomes too late. I think for me, I didn't, I didn't die. Luckily I didn't harm myself or didn't do anything like that. But even having that anxiety attack on the ground was too late. We have to intervene and be more proactive about our mental health on the front end so that we don't end up in those situations. And so I think if you prioritize mental health and well-being along the journey with every step. So you think about your your your goals as you write them down. And on the other end, what what else do you prioritize? Your mental health, your wellbeing? Your relationships? If you keep those intact as you climb that ladder of success, then I. I consider that to be a success.

Ramnani: Wow, that is really great advice. Thank you. What is it about your journey that motivates you to create awareness about mental health?

Ford: I think when we hear many people talking about mental health, they don't look like me. It's it's more normal to see a a white woman talking about mental health, more normal to go see a white a woman therapist. And so in in destigmatizing mental health for people across the spectrum, across the board, um, I feel my voice is powerful because there there are fewer young black men talking about mental health and what the importance of it is. And so I can inspire those who came up like me, who normalized the the pain and the trauma because so many people were experiencing it and they didn't hear a voice like mine saying, that is hurtful and that's traumatic and that's harmful, and you have emotions behind that, but you've been told not to feel those emotions. It's okay to feel those emotions, right? I didn't have someone saying that to me, and I know, I know where that landed me even after doing all the things right. And so even so, like, what if something had gone left? What if I had gone to a prison or gone to jail? And now I'm I'm experiencing even more trauma in my life, and I get to a point later on in life, what does my mental health look like? I don't want anyone to experience the pain that I experienced, or any additional pain that they don't have to. Um, and if they do, to be able to have resources and places to go, um, where people are culturally competent to address their needs and understand their needs. That is a part of my mission is, is to to help people with mental health across the board. But I think it's specifically, uh, it's important for me to talk to my young black men and young black women who are going through issues who don't always see someone like me talking about those things.

Ramnani: What is it about mental health and wellness that he wants other people to be aware of?

Ford: One, that it affects you regardless of your age, your race, your religion, your your ability levels, any of that. It affects you because you have a brain and because you're human, right? Mental health and wellness is a human issue. It's a human concept. And so, uh, no one is excluded from working on their mental health. Every day is a challenge to work on your mental health. It doesn't mean that you are crazy or bad, or that something is wrong with you because you are seeking help for your mental health. It is a matter of, uh, being the best version of yourself. Because you think about how we address our physical health. We work out, we try to eat better, we we go to the doctor if we're sick or if we have a broken bone or something like that, and we don't look at that in a negative light, we look at that as a very normal course of action. And so I want people to visualize and really, um, take the same approach to their mental health as they do their physical health. Right. How do you work out your mental health? Well, I'm going to breathe and meditate and and I'm going to exercise because that helps my physical and my mental health. I'm going to go to professionals because I can go to my physical doctor. But where is my mental health doctor? I can go to, um, all of these different, uh, places to, to figure out different ways of healing. Like a sound bath is one of the coolest things that I've ever done. That really helps. Like, it helps me sleep. It helps me, you know, calm my mind. And I would have never known that, you know, different types of music. It's music, but different types of music can help me in my healing process. And so it's looking at it in a much more positive light, as opposed to what I think has led to the stigma of you're crazy or something is severely wrong with you. No, it's just you are human and your brain is going to think. And your brain has been programmed to think in a more negative way than a positive way. We call that negativity bias, and that is across the board that people think that way. But how do you shape your brain in a way that looks at life in a positive way, so that much more positive way, so that you can be your fullest and best healthy self.

Ramnani: Do you have any final thoughts?

Ford: Yeah, I would say, um, one again because it was so helpful for me, I think, I think if people journaled in a way that is much more self inquiry based, you know, digging into getting to know yourself more than our world would be a little bit better. Because when you start to know yourself, you start to love yourself. When you love yourself, you start to love others. And so we got to get to a place of really knowing ourselves so that we can love ourselves so that the insecurities that we hate, that the, uh, all the negative aspects of what we do to other people or how we feel about other people start to diminish so that we have a much more better, a better and and cohesive and coexisting community. Uh, I think that is huge. And I want to give. I was just been thinking about this because journaling can seem daunting. But to make it simple, who did you see in that day? What did you do? Where did you go? And then with those three questions, who did you see? What did you do? Where did you go? How did that make you feel? If you can answer those questions, I think it'll be a good start to to addressing, you know, your mental health and and really understanding yourself.

Ramnani: Reggie, this was an absolute pleasure to talk with you today. Thank you so much for your time and amazing insights in your mental health journey.

Ford: Thank you. I appreciate you for having me, and I look forward to seeing it and sharing it with people. And I'm so inspired by you and the work that you do, so keep going. I love it and I'm a huge fan, so thank you.

Ramnani: It's just a pleasure talking to you. Thank you for your time. Bye.